Three months ago today, Randy and I snuck off to Atlanta and tied the knot. And it was, quite frankly, the best decision I have ever made. I could go on and on like a mushy goon, but I’ll spare you. You’re welcome.
Instead, I want to be frank about what I believe marriage really is and really isn’t with all three months of my married wisdom.
I believe that marriage is a blessing when you do it for the right reasons with the right person. Knowing Randy for almost three years before we said “I do” solidified in my heart and mind that he is my best friend and life without him would be completely foreign to me. Marrying Randy was something that I knew was right from the moment I met him. I just knew. And it may sound crazy and you may not believe me, but from that first smart-aleck comment when we were standing at the Marriott in Uptown at a fundraiser, I knew that he was the one. And for the next almost three years, I have loved him every single minute of every single day even when I didn’t.
I don’t believe that marriage solves all your problems. Marriage is not something to rush into or to take lightly. It is not a financial plan or a “natural” next step. And contrary to popular belief, just because he puts on a ring on it doesn’t mean the things you wanted to change about him will happen. Randy always says “Men get married hoping she will never change and Women get married hoping he will.”
I believe that marriage is what you make it. In life, in our day to day struggles, we are defined by what we choose to be defined by. Marriage is no different. You can choose to be defined by your past-good or not so good- or you can choose to be defined by the now. For me, personally, I choose to be defined by the grace, mercy, and love that Jesus shows to me every day. In return, I strive to show that same grace, mercy, and love to Randy every day. Even when he goes into the bathroom and moves all my stuff into a drawer and I can’t find anything, or when he puts my glass of ice water that I am not finished with in the sink, or when he forgets to drop letters in the mailbox and “forgets” to tell me until I see them in the sun visor in the car. (Yeah, I know, I have it pretty good if those are my complaints). But even when the deeper issues come to a head, I am reminded that this is not what defines our marriage. Our marriage is rooted in deep love, real grace, and mercy that passes all understanding. It’s what we choose to make it.
I believe that marriage is listening. I stink at listening by the mere fact that I am a talker. And sometimes I just don’t know when to stop. However, Randy is really good at telling me to be quiet. Lovingly, of course. Randy, however, is incredibly good at listening and is so patient with me when I just feel the need to “talk it out” which, in my mind, means I talk it out and he listens. I am working on this and learning a lot of lessons about just being quiet.
I believe that marriage is trust. For me, this is more than trusting that Randy will make good decisions. It’s trusting that God is in control. Trusting that money is going to be where it needs to be and kids are going to have what they need to make good choices and cars are going to keep running and roofs aren’t going to leak and pets are going to behave. It’s trusting that at the end of the day he’s going to walk through that door in one piece, unharmed, and whole. It’s trusting that life goes on even when none of the aforementioned is what I want it to be.
I believe that marriage is different for every couple and that what works for y’all may not work for us and vice versa. But I also believe that there is wisdom to be gained from others and I love hearing the stories of the day to day activities of my friends.
I believe that our marriage is solid. That it is a blessing. That it has grounded me in ways I didn’t expect it to and that I have already learned lessons in the three short months that I have been “Mrs. Robertson.” And I believe that our marriage is what we have made it; rich, full, fun, and loving. With every cup of coffee and morning chat, every evening walk, every lunch date, every squabble over ridiculous things, and every quiet moment broken by the sound of Randy singing in the other room, I am more and more convinced that I am richly blessed and one heck of a lucky girl.
Here’s to the next 3 decades (yes, I really believe we have decades left :)) and all the lessons coming our way.