It’s been four months since you went to the Happy Hunting Ground. Four long or short months, depending on how you look at it, I suppose. There are moments when it feels like it was years since we drove away from Hospice. And there are moments when it feels like I just talked to you.
This is the season I have been dreading. This season of cold, of Thanksgiving, of Christmas, and soon, your birthday. But, we had stuff we did together and I am missing those things. The West Wing Christmas episode text exchange as we wrap presents and drink a glass of wine or a beer in the comforts of our own homes, the coffee dates at Iron Bank-all bundled up and ready to chat, the Thanksgiving morning greetings and the Christmas Eve meet up and the Christmas morning text to say “I am so grateful for you.”
Missing you is hard. But, I know that I am experiencing the Holidays, and frankly life, with a renewed sense of purpose, of gratitude, and of meaning.
If I learned anything in the last two years, I have learned that people matter, time matters, and living each day with purpose matters. I have learned that life is short, that we are not promised tomorrow. I have learned that perspective changes everything and there is a whole lot of really small stuff that really does not matter. I have learned to say “no” because my focus is needed elsewhere. I have re-learned that the work is often the only reward needed and that if you do that well and treat people with kindness, you are living the good life.
This Christmas season, I am savouring everything a little more. I am savouring every cup of coffee, every moment with the people I love, taking moments throughout the day to be grateful for a job I love with people I love. And while I would do anything to turn back the clock and have just one more hour with you, I am keenly aware that I am still reaping the harvest of your investment in my life and the lives of those around me. You are so much of the reason I am taking those moments to savour, to be grateful, to be present.
I am trying not to cry too much. I’d hate to look like “death on a cracker.” I watched the West Wing while I wrapped presents and sipped on a glass of wine. I went to the Springer and soaked up the magic it offers this time of year and I got to share that with Sally for the first time. I’ve had a few cups of coffee and one or two workout scones at Iron Bank. And “Polar Express” is on the agenda this weekend as well.
So today and tomorrow, I am going to focus on being present. Today will be a wonderful day…
Merry Christmas, Ronnie H..